No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
