so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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