My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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