stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
