Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
