I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
