no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
