after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
