even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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