I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
