Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
