it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
