Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
