Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
