you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
