Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
