Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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