I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
