I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
