READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
