People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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