Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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