No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
