Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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