Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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