Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
