Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
did you just send me my own nude
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
