well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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