I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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