for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
