love makes seman taste better
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
