OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
