i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
