wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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