So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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