This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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