I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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