All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Quick, to the slutcave!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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