yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
