i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
