dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
