Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
