I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
