there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
