last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
