Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
