My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
