It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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