Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
