Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
