he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
