that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
