I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
