I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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