"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
