Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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