Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
