so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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