You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
