you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
