How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How's work?
Spinning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
